Attempting to read the signs at Plainmoor

Image from 'Darwin and after Darwin' by John Romanes, courtesy of the Wikimedia Commons.

Augury is the attempt to interpret the signs of nature to determine the will of the gods, usually as it is conveyed to mortal man by the flight and call of birds. Evermore confused about this Oxford squad, We Are Oxford United sent Oxford University's finest expert on religion in the ancient world (or at least the first one we found spending too much time at the Kings Arms) to Plainmoor to attempt to divine what signs he could of Oxford's seasons in their performance against 'The Gulls'. A number of academic papers are apparently planned based on these 'research findings', and, as a result, due to copyright restrictions we can only reproduce the abstract to the first of these. Which frankly, given the amount of beer we seem to have paid for under the auspices of 'research funding', we're pretty hacked off about.

This study aims to apply the analytical framework of classical theology's sociological reading of divination to the modern ritual of 'non-league football'. It draws close comparison between Roman augurs of bird flight and spectators of a non-league game of football as both attempt to divine pattern and meaning to seemingly random movement. After a theoretical comparison of the two meaning systems, the analysis is applied to a recent game of non-league football between Torquay United and Oxford United. Themes considered include faith, foresight (and the lack thereof), betrayal, inevitability, intoxication, and madness. The article goes on to consider why the attendees of both rituals thought seemingly unconnected factors to be affected by one another (birds and the future; non-league footballers and the outcome of their game), particularly given the seemingly overwhelming evidence of the past (the inaccuracy of augurs; Oxford looking the business against Cambridge and Rushden but still getting done at Lewes). Following Cicero's De Divinatione, a critical analysis is provided of the arguments for connecting augury and football to such sources as God, nature, or fate. Finally, it is concluded that Torquay and Oxford need to work on their set pieces, both the taking of and the defending of, as frankly, it bordered on pathos.